So I thought that having cancer the first time was the worst thing in the world. Having to
leave my son and be sick and not know what I was looking forward to day in and day out. Everyone telling me " you're so strong" but having no clue how that was going to help me in this situation. The unknown is the hardest part of all this. yeah I've had 7 brain surgeries and I've been through very many things in my life but i was never ready for cancer. I never thought I was able to see the finish line the first time ad was so beyond happy that I did but to hear those words " RELAPSE" just beat me right in my chest.
I think devastated is an understatement. I already know the treatment that I have to go through and I know how hard it is going to be on my little boy. The worst thing for me is having to leave my son home after feeling fine for the past 6 months. Its so upsetting. I know the pain i will have to endure. I know the aches i will go through and all the medication i will have to take. The bills that will pill up and the stress that goes along with it.
This time around is a little different as i have to have a stem cell transplant, and i'm stressing over that a little bit. they are looking for a donor match for me that is a 10/10 match.But i know it will happen because my moms job is hosting a bone marrow drive so i have faith that i will find a match!!
I go back and forth every day with happy and sad feelings its such a head rush. I try to stay positive but its hard to sometimes. I know i went through this before but the feelings will never go away.
.. it truly doesn't help when people say 'oh you've done it before you can do it again'- i just wanna say "o yeah Susan you smashed your can into a tree you did it before you can do it again!! like having cancer is something you can just go "do"
You wrote this on Wednesday on Thursday by sheer coincidence I came across your blog . Thursday was the day that one of my closest friends mother died from that disease . Thursday was also the day that I was getting ready for a procedure to see whether not that is what’s causing my symptoms . I’m delighted to report that it was ruled out today . But the point of my writing was not too be happy in the face of your circumstance or be rude about it and anyway but I wanted you to know that your words and your attitude gave me strength and help me to get through very scary 24 hours. And so, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI hope google poststhe corrct me, i’m spamfIghter aka Neil, it is nice to make your acquaintance
I am just seeing this now, I am so sorry for the delay. I have been in the hospital getting tests and chemo as you can imagine. I am so glad that my words were able to help you. That is all I ever want. Thank you for letting me know, it means a great deal to me.
ReplyDeleteI just found out on Wednesday that I have relapsed. Your words really helped me. I know this is another battle that I am going to have to beat but it’s hard. I had a BMT and was almost a year out...feeling great...getting back to my old self...then those words. I want to thank you though...you said so many of the things that I am feeling. I hope you are well and stay positive.
ReplyDeleteHey Olivia, How are you doing now? I'm so thankful that you found my blog and that it helped you. That means so much to me!!!!
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